With Laura Esmond

The obstacles that the thing that we think is confirmation that we're not supposed to be here. Confirmation that maybe we've moved in the wrong direction, confirmation that we're not good enough, right? You posted something and you didn't get enough likes, you had a failure in your business, something set you back. Those things are actually positioning you for a greater path. Welcome back to the podcast You are with Laura Esmond. I wanted to share with you a story that I just sort of recorded on a whim. I was thinking about how we get a lot of resistance sometimes in our business, or we call it the messy middle, or we call it a storm. There was a point in my career was about 17 years or so into being a photographer where I decided to take a really, really big risk. And at the time, for those handful of years that I ran that business, it felt like. The single biggest mistake I'd ever made, and I didn't understand why I did it or what the purpose was. A lot of the students that I talk to feel that way about their business. They are so unsure about whether or not this is actually going to work. Am I actually going to ever make a profit as a photographer? Am I ever going to have a booked out event or a booked out fall? Or even make any money in March and it's scary. It's a really scary time to go through because you really just have to trust the process and when you're in the middle of it. You're so worried that we will tend to just keep working and working and, and churning, and that's where we end up burning out and, kind of getting a little resentful about the business that we're in. and we're wondering and we're unsure, and I've talked a lot about enjoying the process of building a business. This isn't really about that. This is about understanding and really taking ownership of the fact that sometimes we gotta do the hard thing. We have to. Face the challenge before we get to enjoy the other side of it. So whatever challenge you're going through right now, whether it's at the beginning of your career and you're just nervous and anxious about whether or not this is ever gonna happen for you, or maybe you're pivoting, maybe you're switching careers, maybe you're moving into a different genre, or you actually moved from one state to another, and you have to rebuild your whole brand and your whole business. That is all very challenging. Every single one of those things is challenging. The hardship though, that we do go through, that's just part of the process and we learn so much from it. So this is my story, my story of challenge. I hope you're able to draw some parallels to anything that you're going through as well, and that you can see that on the other side of it, we learn so much more from the difficulties in our business than we ever do from the wins. I wanna start today off with a quote that I read earlier this week that really resonates with me, and I'm trying to think who, I think it was Matt, Groen who said it. Sometimes the obstacle is confirmation. You're right where you're supposed to be. The very thing you least expect God uses to build you, to strengthen you, to position you for what you prayed for. That hit me. Pretty hard this week because it took me back to one of the things that was the hardest thing I've ever done in my career that in the middle of, when I was in the middle of that storm, I just could not see clearly. So I'm gonna tell you a little bit about that story today And then let's go into that lesson what does it even mean to go through a storm? How do we get to the other side of it? How long does it take to actually learn the lessons of something that was really difficult? So the thing that I'm talking about, the thing that I went through was opening my retail studio. In 2016, I really had it in my heart that I wanted to open something bigger. Again, I had had studios before, but at this point in my career, I was, back at home. I think my youngest was a couple years old by the time this really started to plant into my heart, that. I wanted to get outta the house. I wanted to have a system. Again, I wanted to surround myself with people. I was feeling really lonely, at that point in my career. honestly, I was even a little lonely as a mom and I was lonely in my actual job. I felt like every decision that I made in my job at that point was really just the only person I could ask. whether or not something was a good idea was me, and I felt like I was on an island. It was kind of in my heart that I'm like, I want something bigger and, but here's what, here, let's just dive into this story. So I'll say this, the retail studio. And I always call it the retail studio because retail means that it basically was very high overhead. It means that I was paying for like a storefront, not just to have a studio, which I had done before. I had had smaller studios, but this was kind of big. The retail studio was hard. I think I started it without really checking in with myself. It just seemed like a really cool idea. It felt daring and it felt. Exciting and after spending a few years at home and, really spending a lot of time with the kids and working by myself, I was ready for something bigger. But what it was though, actually was just really hard and scary. I often thought that this was the single biggest mistake I've ever made. As I was going through the process of building it and growing this studio, that was my single most common thought that I had with it, was that this was just a mistake. You know, I always follow my gut and it has served me really well. It over the years, this has always served me well, but I was about to get the biggest lesson of my life. So why was it so hard? By the time the studio was fully set up, my overhead. Was anywhere between 10,000 to $15,000 a month? If my memory serves me right, I think it was right around there. So if my bank account fell below, let's say like $20,000, I got nervous. And that's a lot of pressure. The overhead was for rent, payroll for, multiple employees. All of the operating expenses like internet and phone line, all that stuff. And then, you know, different subscriptions that we needed just to operate smoothly. I spent a lot of time reviewing expenses to make sure that we stayed as lean as possible, but depending on the time of year, during slower seasons, there wasn't as much payroll, but it was easily $15,000 a month, for most months. And instead of building a business that I would truly feel connected to, because of all that overhead, I built one out of panic. I felt like I was always working. we had to have the studio open at least six days a week. Actually I think based on my lease, I was also supposed to be open on Sundays, but somehow we got away with not always being open on Sundays. So if I wast shooting myself, I was managing others or putting out fires or marketing and working the numbers or worrying, and I was testing a lot. Owning the studio, at least those first couple of years, was a fire drill of lessons. I was learning how to manage people, projects, advertising, budgets, clients, so many failures. It was two years of I mean there were two years of really amazing growth. If I look back on it with my perspective now, but in the middle of it, it felt like two years of a million setbacks and I was throwing spaghetti at the walls hoping for something to click. You know, we would test out a session type, be like, let's see if that'll get people to come in in January. What about this session type? How can we get people to come in and march? What are we gonna do during the summer that's outdoors? Maybe also indoors? I mean, it was just. Constantly testing and worrying, and I would have to spend money on advertising to make sure I could get people into it. And did I now spend too much and are we making enough money on this event? I mean, I was honestly worried at points that I was getting an ulcer. And I really felt stuck by year three. It was around year three, which is pretty common in a lot of businesses, for things to start to click. And I started to feel that. I definitely started to feel like, okay, booking events was easier. We were starting to see which events were actually popular. our calendar was filling up much easier. You know, I didn't feel like I was. Constantly, like begging people to come in and work with us. And, you know, it was very high paced. It was still adrenaline fueled. But I was really excited to feel these puzzle pieces fall into place. It felt like, okay, this, that's spaghetti stuck and that spaghetti stuck in that spaghetti suck. So I started to feel like, okay, this is clicking. So many parts of the business were starting to make sense for me now. Also, like budgeting and finances, marketing, I was getting better at managing people. I did not expect for it to be so hard to manage people, and it's not that it was their fault, I just really didn't know how it takes a really special personality to learn how to lovingly confront people on, who they're being for a business. And, that was a whole level of growth that I wasn't expecting. I ran on that high for a few months and then COVID happened and that's when everything started to slowly unravel. honestly, I will save that story for another day. I'll summarize it for now. That is a whole other podcast about what happened after COVID and that, went into a lot of, inner child work, manifestation. You know, I really started to deep dive into, you know, how do you really create something that you want? What are the right questions to ask yourself? But when I looked back at what I had created, I realized it wasn't really even close to what I really wanted. Again, I never asked myself that question. So very slowly I began to move towards that, and I kept asking myself in the process of this, how in the hell. Did I let that business happen and I was angry about it. I was angry that God would put it in my heart. I was angry that I didn't know better. I was angry at the struggle. I was angry at the sleepless nights and all the financial concerns. I was, I guess I felt like at this point. You know, we were all sort of at home more. I think we all kind of went through this moment of like, what am I doing with my life? And I felt like I was coming the backside of a mountain that I had no business climbing. And most of all though, I was angry at myself because I had trusted my gut going into it and I really couldn't understand or see any benefit at that point, just at that point. And the trusting the gut thing. was hard because that's how I, honestly, it's even how I still operate. I am a, feel it in my gut and I move with those gut instincts as opposed to overanalyzing. But at this point, I felt like it didn't work. Having that business served no real purpose in my life, and I really just didn't understand where to go from there. Here is one thing that I learned in this. When we are in a storm, we can't find reasons or meaning. We are just in survival mode. And when we're in survival mode, we begin questioning ourselves. We're questioning our dream. We're doubting every single decision. Maybe you have felt this, or maybe you're currently in a storm right now, a business maybe that feels stagnant. maybe you got a bad review from a client and you feel like, how, like how did that happen? Maybe you aren't really making any money yet and your thoughts are drifting towards, what am I even doing here? Is this ever actually going to work for me? Is this actually, I, I'm just chasing after someone else's dream, and this really isn't my purpose, but here's the good news, my story. And yours. It doesn't end here. So slowly I crawled myself my way out of a business that looked great financially, but didn't really serve my soul. Some people. Would have run that business that I was running and would've loved it. It would have fueled a really deep purpose for them. They would've found a different purpose there. They would've loved the busyness and, the managing of people and they would've loved, that kind of anxiety fueled fast pace. Running a volume business is not wrong, and that is not what I'm getting at here. What I'm getting at is that for me it was wrong. I am not a fast-paced, anxiety fueled, purpose driven person. I I'm a purpose driven person, but not for that purpose. at this point for me, I just still couldn't understand any purpose behind those five years of hustle and struggle. And it wasn't until about a year later that I began, working again with other photographers. I started to work with a local photographer that needed help and then, a friend in another state who needed help with their business. And something started to sort of shift. I was getting a glimmer. So during the, let's just call it the retail studio era, I had stopped working with other photographers. I was working with my employees and it was a lot of fun to train them up as photographers and work with them on the business. But I had really put blinders on and very narrowly was only working on my own survival. I just didn't have time to, to work with other people. But mentorship was something I had always done and also. Really loved. I mean, when I was, when I finished art school, I was older. When I started art school, I was older than a lot of the students that were there because they went straight after high school. Whereas I went after college and working for, I don't know, a year and a half after college, then went back to art school. So I had a good, five, six years on a lot of the students there. And they looked at me as sort of a mother hen, which is hysterical because I was like 25. But, I really. Loved mentoring them. And I started my studio. And then my teachers would, the professors at the art institute would actually bring them into my studio or they would invite me into the class and I would hold talks, you know, or conversations around running a business and, learning as an artist how to manage money and these were not like. Deep conversations that we had, but just kind of giving them some tips and pointers on, this is an important part of your business. you do need to, run your business based on this passion that it will always drive you to be here and to exist, but you also need to run a business. And I really, really enjoyed that part of it. And at times, you know, I would actually get paid for this work and I would maybe take somebody on one-on-one or they would work with me in the studio. And that sort of started to phase out as I had kids and worked from home for a little while and then owned the studio. this time around when I started to coach these two people, the one that was local and the one that was out of state, I found that the struggle of building the studio those five years based on that I had. So much more to share. That struggle had wisened me. It had provided me with a much deeper, much more lived in perspective on how to run a business. All things are used for good, even your fear. Even your struggles and storms that you're currently fighting. The point is to do the work while in the storm. Allow for growth. See your failures as lessons, not proof that you're on the wrong path. And I think that's where a lot of us get caught up in our head, and that's where mindset comes in that. If something's not working, if we're not getting wins immediately, we tend to think maybe this just isn't for me. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe that gut instinct I was following was just the wrong path and I shouldn't be doing this at all, and I should just go get a job or just stay at home with my kids. But once you get through the storm, you realize, oh my goodness. All of that, all of those lessons, all of those failures, those are the things that are actually giving me the confidence to move forward as a business owner. I've lived a little bit, I've got some street cred now. I lived through it, so when I opened the studio. I just wanted something bigger than my at-home business. You know, I mean, I'd had studios before, as I said, but at this point I was ready to get back into one and I wanted something bigger, right? And that's why I chose to go into retail and to really take on a bigger project and to have employees. But when I really learned to ask myself bigger questions, I found that I really wanted purpose. I'd been afraid of going into education. You know, like I said, I had mentored people, but I also really loved my photographer identity. I didn't want to just become an educator and I wasn't really sure how people were balancing both. That felt just wild to me, especially with little kids at home. Like, how in the world could I be a photographer and an educator? That just feels like too much, and I loved the. Identity of being a photographer. Like even when I was in college, I was that dork who would walk around with my black leather jacket because I once saw Gwyneth Paltrow wearing one on the Dave Letterman show, and she looked so cool and I was like, that's my persona. That's who I wanna be. I know she's not a photographer, I get that. But she just looked so cool. I wanna be the cool girl in the leather jacket, walking around with my camera. I mean, I had that was an identity that I loved and I loved. You know, even going forward as being a mom and being a photographer, I still just loved telling people I'm a photographer, and they're like, isn't that amazing? I'm like, yes, it is. it's, it's the coolest job ever. When my daughter. My oldest daughter, when she was in first grade, she was actually sitting at a table. Another mom told me this story 'cause she was there eating lunch with them. I think she was saying that I was related to like, lady G. Or something just so strange. I can't remember exactly. but then she was also telling people that I was a ballerina because she just thought that was so cool. And I remember the mom telling me this and we laughed, but I was also like, oh my gosh, is my, is my daughter a liar? I went through that too. But we also, we just laughed at it and I remember later asking my daughter, I'm like, honey, don't you think my job is already cool? I'm a photographer. And she was like, not as cool as a ballerina. I was like, okay. I mean, I think it's pretty cool, but, okay. I really felt that my purpose was photography and I really wanted to be. Known as a photographer. You know what I mean? I mean, I'm sure some of you guys can resonate like with that. Like we're not all chasing fame. I'm not really chasing fame in any way, but there was al also a part of me that just wanted that validation. You are a good photographer. I admire your work. And I craved that validation. You know, just like we crave follows, we crave likes, we crave our clients saying that was beautiful. And then we take that quote and we post it and we share it with people. Like, see, I'm really good. I wanted to be told that I was a great photographer. And so it felt like that was my only purpose. But as I got back into education, which was just through mentoring these two people. I was finding that I actually had a whole other purpose that was being revealed to me because of the storm that I went through. I never would've been ready for the level of education that I'm doing now without all of, without those five years, I do believe that I can come forward with a much deeper purpose, and I love the purpose that's sort of behind the scenes and just helping to lift somebody else up. When I first set out to actually open that retail studio, it was not on the horizon. It wasn't even on my mind that one day I might actually want to be an educator. When I started that retail studio, all I was thinking about was starting this beautiful, cute darling boutique, business that other people would think was really beautiful. And I would be, excited to go to work at every day. I wasn't thinking five, 10 years down the road that I was going to be ready to pivot into education. So all of that struggle, the difficulties in growing that business and learning it in the sleepless nights, it felt so purposeless, it didn't feel like it had a purpose. I'm like, this, why is this so hard? Why does it have to be so hard? I didn't understand that I was actually going to use those hardships and those struggles inside my education business six years later. It just didn't occur to me. So when you are looking at the struggle that you might be living out right now, maybe right now it feels like, ugh, why do I have to go through this? But it's on your path. It's a part of your journey that eventually you are going to look back on and think, thank God for that moment because it's only with that I am who I am today. Right? I was made from that. I was built from that. If I didn't go through that hard time, if I didn't have to figure out, all the hard ways to get business and earn money and figure out which session types were gonna be the ones that resonate with my audience. If I didn't figure out and have to get my hands dirty to find my audience and find my clients, if I didn't have to, you know, struggle through the pricing, I just wouldn't understand it as well. when something is just handed to us. It's a different level of gratitude. You know, I, when you don't really have to work for something, it just sort of exists for you. But when you have to work really hard and get your hands dirty and get on your knees and beg for it, that's a different level of gratitude you're going to have for that business, and you will have learned so much because of it. The obstacles that the thing that we think is confirmation that we're not supposed to be here. Confirmation that maybe we've moved in the wrong direction, confirmation that we're not good enough, right? You posted something and you didn't get enough likes, you had a failure in your business, something set you back. Those things are actually positioning you for a greater path, and eventually one day you're gonna look back on all of that and go, that's what built me. That's my quilt. And it's a story in my quilt. It's not the whole thing, it's just a story. It's a patchwork. And I am built off that patchwork and I have created something really beautiful that I love, and I have consistently gone back and asked myself that question. Am I building something? Towards greatness. Am I consistently working towards being better, being consistently good, showing up for my clients and being great? And if you are, and if you can consistently say, yeah, you know what I am, and I have had a couple of setbacks. But if you're consistently using those to become better, greater, stronger, a better photographer, better at creating, the right experience, better at marketing, better at finding, the right people for your business, then you are on the right path, even with a handful of setbacks. So let me leave you with this. My deepest desire was purpose. I get that out of education now on a deeper level than I ever had as a photographer. I love being a photographer, but at this point in my career, based on everything that I've learned, based on all of the obstacles and particularly that one big, huge five year obstacle. All of it was there for a reason, leading me down to a new path, one that I couldn't see at the time. I didn't set out to become an educator, but the purpose of the obstacle was to allow me to enrich my skills to become a better educator. Something I didn't even know was on my horizon. Your obstacles that you are living out right now and the ones that you are about to, perceive the ones that you are about to experience. All of those are in your path for a reason. They are there because there is something else on the other side. Something that maybe you haven't even seen yet. Something that you're one day maybe even going to pivot into that you didn't even know was going to be on your path. But the obstacle was there for a reason because you're meant to learn from it and grow from it. And sometimes this business can be really, really challenging. But take that challenge, own it, and come out the other side of it. Stronger.