With Laura Esmond

Welcome back to the podcast. You're with Laura Esmond. Today we are going to go over a journal entry that I actually found. Where I was writing down all the different things that I wish I had known, uh, or that I would love to go back in time and tell my younger self that young girl that was starting out on a, a career with absolute total hope in her back pocket and would say things like, I'm just gonna jump to the universe would catch me.

And even though I love that spirit of that girl, there are so many things I've learned over the years and I, I would've given her even more. Confident. So that's really what this podcast is about. I hope you walk away feeling more just grounded in yourself and who you need to be and show up as no matter what other people are saying, or how hard the day was that you are doing something really amazing by owning this business.

And sometimes we can lose that confidence of what we're doing 'cause we just get caught up in either the rat race or the to-do list or all the other things that we have to do at home. So here we go. Let's get started.

The first thing I wrote down was trust your gut. Even when you are, even when you are wrong. The journey through that storm will bring you somewhere closer to where you belong and smarter.

And, you know, years ago when I was first starting my business, I didn't really know how to trust my gut. I and that's actually, I think I've mentioned some people, my, my husband for instance he's a questioner and he needs to process his emotions his thoughts about something before he can make a decision.

As a sacral person, what that means is I tend to go with my gut. So how do I feel about it? And I will react and keep moving towards or away from something based on how I feel about it. And so that means I really have to trust my gut. But when I was younger, I didn't really understand that. I didn't understand what that meant, and I really questioned.

Gut all the time. And part of it was because I had a lot of people around me that I, I really admired. maybe they were getting more business or they were better photographers or, they were just more admired in the community, whatever it may be. And so I always wanted to ask them, what would you do?

What would you do? What would you do? And so instead of really trusting what I needed or what I really wanted, and moving with that motion and that flow, I would put so much weight. On them and their thoughts. So I have learned, I, I still like to weigh other people's decisions, but I think, since getting into my forties, pushing closer to 50, I've gotten a lot better about just saying, this is what my gut says and I'm gonna keep moving in that direction.

another one was being okay with showing up imperfectly. So I, I think a lot of times, you know, when it comes to. Our brand and our photography. We, we start out in this business really wanting to look knowledgeable. We wanna look like an expert. And, and actually this just popped into my head just now, many of you guys, obviously everyone knows who Jasmine Star is.

If you don't know who she is, go look her up. She's amazing. But some of you might not realize that when she. First started her business, her photography business. It was around, I think I'd been in business maybe a few years longer than her. So, but we'd started our businesses around the same time. And she started her business based on being an open book about learning how to be a photographer.

And she wrote a lot of stories and blog posts, and Instagram didn't exist at this point. Facebook was really small, but blogs were a big deal and she just put herself out there. And, uh, you know, she might have filtered herself a little bit, but she was also pretty raw and was just going to people and saying, Hey, I don't know how to do this and I wanna get better at it.

And one of the things that I have learned in business and. And have learned over the years is that it's far better for us to show up as imperfect and show our mistakes and show our flaws because we just become more relatable, but, which is great for business and, and great for connecting with people and great for making friends, but it's also just a more valuable space to show up in for ourselves because if we take that pressure off to always be perfect, then we can show up.

More often. Uh, one thing that I am trying to get over is I get one of my, I think a lot when I'm running, sometimes I just even run in silent. Sometimes I'll listen to podcasts. Sometimes I need the energy of music, but sometimes I just run and I don't. I have my pie on my AirPods in and I don't even have anything going.

I, I, you might even think that it is just like the weirdest thing, but I just kind of start thinking about things and sometimes I'll record a little bit, and every now and then. I literally wanna just bring my, and I will, I'll bring my phone up and I'll turn camera to face and I'll look at myself in my like nerdy running vest that has two water bottles attached and my nerdy.

Running visor and my red, red face, and I'm like no, I can't. Like I literally, I can't, I can't do it yet. So you, you guys will know when I fully ripped the the bandaid off of perfection. If I actually start to show up with one of the, I think I've done it once and I'm like, wow, I feel like I look so nerdy, but I need to get over that because if that's when I am feeling really authentic in my voice, because I've got the endorphins running through my body, I, I probably need to just hit record and just.

Just do it and just show up because what do you guys care? You don't care. So as you can see, I'm still learning how to show up better. And it's it's hard. but that is something that I would, I would tell my younger self. Don't worry about being perfect. Probably goes back to even trusting your gut.

Don't worry about being perfect and just keep moving forward and everyone will love you for it. Next, the next thing that I wrote about was do the work every day to build what you want, but also make sure to step away and allow for breathing room. I, I often say show up every day, and I'm probably gonna repeat myself here a little bit when I say that it's an expression.

I don't actually mean show up every single day and do the work. I don't believe that we should be online every day. I don't think we should be in front of our computers every day. We shouldn't be shooting every day. We should have time in our week that we completely remove ourselves from our business when we have real breathing room and white space.

Right. White space means like a, a blank canvas. You're not trying to accomplish, you're not doing, you're just existing. When we have that in our business, whether that is fitting in self care, like a really good long exercise, a really long walk, or a run, or maybe we go and have coffee with a friend, basically anything that drags us away from the computer and that constant worry or that constant focus on our business will actually enlighten you so much more to your next step.

We can't really make sense of things when we're in a vacuum. You know what? That's an expression that my husband uses and I gotta be honest, I don't even really know what it means. So this is what in a vacuum means for me. It means that it's just like messy and I can't pull things together and it just feels like everything is swirling around me.

It's just this like madness. Or maybe it's like being on a hamster wheel and you just kind of keep turning, turning, turning. But you're not really going anywhere 'cause you're not making sense of anything. And to me that you know what that looks like in reality. Is that madness of editing sessions and then responding to emails and then trying to figure out what to post online.

And then remembering I also need to do a blog post and that I haven't done one in a month now, and now I'm panicking and I don't know what else I'm missing and what else should I be working on it. That's just a mess and it feels scattered and unorganized and we think in this moment. I will often think I just need to sit down and just get a bunch of work done and, and maybe there are a couple of things that should get checked off the list.

I, I think sometimes we feel really scattered when. We've got one thing that's really weighing on us, like maybe you've got three sessions that, that you've photographed like two, three weeks ago and you still haven't even downloaded them. Man, go get those done. Your client is waiting and that is just not good service.

Like go get those done. But sometimes we're just scattered because. Our thoughts are unorganized. We're kind of zipping in thousand, in a thousand different directions. And, and then we start to blame ourselves that we can't get enough done during the day because it's time to go get the kids now from school, or somebody's gonna wake up from a nap and is going to need a snack or lunch, and it's our fault that we can't move fast enough.

And how are other people moving that fast? The best thing to do in moments like this is to step away. That could be five minutes, that could be 10 minutes even. That could be a whole afternoon that you just say, screw it. Sorry for the language. If you have kids around, I don't want this to be an explicit podcast.

That's the most you'll ever hear from me, but sometimes it, it's the whole afternoon. Or if you can't do it today, then check those few things off the list and block off tomorrow, or block off a day next week where you're like, you know, I'm gonna do nothing that day. Binge Netflix and I'm gonna maybe have a jour, this is actually something I'll do.

Sometimes I will just sit and be, and maybe I turn the TV on. Maybe I have a book around. and, but I will always have my journal next to me. I want that opportunity that if something does pop into my head, something that actually brings me some clarity, I wanna write it down. I wanna have a space to write it down.

And I don't really want it to be on my phone. That's just me. But like, if I grab my phone, then I'm probably gonna start like scrolling on Instagram and you know, 20 minutes goes by and I'm like, where did my life go? Like what? Just, what just happened? I just got pulled into a vortex and I don't even know where the last 20 minutes went.

For me to have that, that, that discipline of kind of staying in that white space and, and not kind of tuning out the noise and just getting some peace and quiet, that's going for a walk. That's getting together with a friend or just sitting with a, with a journal without trying to force things out.

But just, just sit with it and if something comes up, I'll jot it down. You will need to figure out what works for you. We are all very different creatures. I am very much a writer and a talker, and you know, I feel very connected to those two things, so they work really well for me. You may find that for you, and maybe you're not doing it yet, but for you to actually get more clarity in your business, maybe you need to go run a mile, like really hard.

Like sweat and make it hurt. You know that I have a friend that's like that. She's like, I, she's not even an athlete. She's like, I don't even like working out. But there's something about like really focusing her, her energy on trying to, and she's like, she laughs, she's like me running fast is like an 11 minute mile, but to her it feels like she's just going so fast and, and she finishes that mile and she's like.

Okay, I feel better. And she takes a good deep, hard, probably 50,000 hard breaths, calms herself down, and she's like, okay, I just feel better. So for all of us, it's going to be different things. the next thing that I had, written down in my journal is really on the heels of all of that. I will also say to my younger self and, and sometimes to myself right now, is that you have to be willing to learn something that feels complicated right now.

And this is the best way, this is the best way for me to describe this kind of in my current life. I have kids right now learning math and science and history and writing, and they are not good at all of these things, right? they each have a skillset, something that their brain naturally absorbs.

I've got two that are pretty darn good at math and pretty darn good at science. And then another that's like really more of an artist and free flow thinking and loves to write, and these are their gifts. Just because they have gifts doesn't mean that they get to be let off the mat. I don't know if you've ever heard that expression.

My husband said that to me once, and I really liked it. It's a wrestling expression. You don't get to get let off the mat or let yourself off the mat just because something is hard, just because they aren't naturally good at it. They're in school and they have to learn all of these things. So if you don't have business skills.

Go learn them. Don't give yourself the excuse that you're just not good at at math, or you're just not good at business. Go learn how to use a profit and loss statement. Begin to get an idea of what a budget is and what it can mean for your business. If you had a budget in your business, how much more money could you bring home and enjoy on vacations or facials or Botox or nails or gifting to other people or charity, or treating your family to a really nice dinner?

If you don't know how to use your camera really well, go learn from somebody that you admire. Take a class. I've got some people earmarked, on, on Instagram, saved that I'm like, Ooh, I would love to learn from them because they figured out a couple of things there's this one woman that I'm like, Ooh, she knows, posing in a way that I, I think is, would be really cool to understand.

So don't let the idea of it being a challenge stop you from wanting to learn it. Yeah. Math can be hard. Math can twist people's minds up, but it's not UNFI audible. Right? Everything you can figure out pretty much anything. And I guarantee you that, and this is kind of the the bad news to be as successful person, you kind of gotta be good at both if you really want.

To be successful. Of course, we all define success differently, but if you really wanna be successful in the business that you're in, in the industry that you're in, you're probably gonna have to learn a few things that you don't really care to know about, but they will help you be more confident to show up with more confidence.

They will help you to get to your goal faster. If you just go ahead and rip off that bandaid. Learn it, and I think for a lot of people, that's the business side, but for some people that's the photography side. Maybe it's time to learn how to get really good at your camera, even though something looks hard and complicated and your brain is twisted in circles because you're just having a hard time understanding it.

Just stick with it. Your business will benefit greatly and so will you and your confidence. Don't let yourself off the mat just because. Math is hard, or you'd rather go do something else, which I totally understand, but just learn it. so here's another one that I wrote down. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.

You know, this go, this even goes back to me not wanting to show up online and, show up, when I'm running, because I'm afraid that you guys will just see me in my nerdy outfit in that moment. I'm worried about what you guys would think of me, but. Just as I can't worry about showing up imperfectly, I also have to stop worrying about what others think of me.

for one thing, you are much more capable than you realize. So if worrying about what other people think is stopping you from posting or trying to launch an event in your studio, or stopping you from reaching out to someone that you wanna connect with in your community, that could actually be a really, really great lifelong friendship in this business.

If it, if worrying about what they think is going to stop you from doing that, you're hurting nobody but yourself. Let's reframe this. If someone in your life even close to you doesn't fully understand what you are doing, that's okay. This isn't their path or their calling or their gut instinct about where you belong in this business.

They don't know what is being whispered to you into your soul. Only you do. So if they have five seconds in which they see your reel where you are talking to your audience, which really to be honest, doesn't even include them. Let them, in the words of Mel Robbins let them judge you. Let them be, be right.

Let them be cooler than you. In the end, their personal judgment about you, it will act. You won't even know. You will know nothing about, and also it will have zero impact on your business or your journey unless you let it, it will only hurt them because, I mean, really those seeds of judgment. Looking down on another person is far more harmful to them and to their internal self than to you or to your business.

Their judging doesn't actually impact you. It only impacts them. You just keep right on going, and I promise you eventually if you keep going, they will admire what you are doing and what you have created. I would also tell myself that no business is created overnight, no matter how badly I want it to. I used to spend so much time late at night working on my business and you know, of course there were times in my life, there were phases of life that this was really best for me to work at night and, and try to get a lot done at night.

And that was more strategic. You know, my kids were young and I had chosen to step away from a full-time photography business to be at home with them because. That was really the point. It was why I had started this business in the first place. So any work I did take on, I did have to do a lot of editing and email responding late at night, but I used to spend hours tweaking images, trying to make them perfect in a way that my client was never going to notice.

I don't know what I was trying to prove. I would keep tweaking brochures and guides and pricing on my website to the point of absolute distraction. And that's what it was. It was just a distraction. When my kids were a lot younger, a long time ago, uh, we decided to do a trip to Disney World and we wanted to tell the kids in a special way.

So we put together this cute little box of Disney things and a map, you know, a few things that we had printed off on the internet. And one night at dinner, we gave this to my kids. And they were really little, like, they were really, really young. I, I honestly cannot remember the ages. I'm trying to visualize the photos of us being there, but let's just go to, they were little.

So we all sit down to dinner and, and I put the box down on the table and the kids open it. My two oldest kids, they scream out, we're going to Disney World and my youngest is like trying to catch up. 'cause she, I mean, she was little. Two and a half, three, I don't know. And and so they're all celebrating and dancing around the table and, and it was, it was so much fun to tell them about this trip.

Um. So we wrap up dinner and finally my son says something about going to pack, and I say, no, no, no, we're not going tomorrow, or right now, we're going in a few months. And he looked at me with the most longing face mixed with sadness and mixed with anger. I had never seen a face like this, and he ran out of the room and threw himself onto his bed.

And I walked in there to talk to him and he just looked up at me with these like sad eyes and said, I don't wanna wait. Why did you tell us this already? I don't wanna know this waiting. It's too hard. And I was like, oh my gosh, buddy. And I just gave him a hug and I was like, wow. I, I never would've thought that telling him we're going to Disney was going to ruin his day.

But it was, the waiting and waiting is hard and it was the most, the purest version of what we all can even go through as adults. We don't wanna wait. So instead of doing things that we know need to get done in our business and then confidently walking away to allow all of those things to do their magic and compound.

Instead we plant ourselves in front of a computer and just keep tweaking and editing and fixing. We fixate on the smallest problem because it keeps our mind busy. It keeps us distracted from questions like, is this even going to work? Are people even going to book me? Am I going to make any money at this?

Am I going to have to go back to my godawful corporate job where people say things like, let's double click on that. So we distract ourselves with small things versus getting out there and just enjoying life because wasn't that the point to begin with? Right? Wasn't the point of creating this job.

Most likely, I believe that you, if you're listening to me, if, if you want anything to do with me, you probably created this job because you craved freedom. You didn't want to do a corporate job. You didn't want to do the day-to-day grind. Yet we start this job and we do a day-to-day grind thinking that we have to.

Next week, I think next week I am probably gonna do a podcast about the things that we actually need to work on. You know, what are the things that we need to do that will really move the needle so that you can do those and then confidently step away from your business for a little bit. You can step away for the weekend or take a Monday off, take Tuesday off, you know, go have lunch with a friend.

But I, I, 'cause I think that's where a lot of us get. Loss. We keep thinking that we are missing something. There must be something else that needs to get done because no one's calling me right now. No one booked me today, so I must be doing something wrong. But that's simply not true. So next week I really wanna discuss, uh, or at some point over the next couple of weeks, I want to discuss how we get off that hamster reel.

What are the things that are fundamental to your business that you should do weekly and that you should be spending your time on so that then you can be like, okay I did that. Now let's step away and actually have that white space. The last thing is something that I actually, uh, have just been thinking about more recently.

So this is not out of that journal about what I would tell myself a long time ago. It's more something that I think about today. I. I have, uh, begun to really think of my business, kind of like chasing after a fitness goal. I have noticed that, you know, if I wanna change my body if I literally wanna change my body, like make my legs fitter, make my stomach flatter, I'm like, I, I just wanna make that happen right now.

I wanna go workout, I wanna go to the gym and I wanna do it right now. You know? Or I'll see someone online that looks like. Super fit and amazing, and I'm reading about their workout and they're doing lots of heavy weights with top sets. And I'm Googling what in the world is a top set and you know, how much weight should I actually have on the bar for it to be considered a top set?

And you know, I even I mean, I honestly, that was actually me last week. And I'll, I go to the gym and I'm like, I, I want this to happen right now. I like, okay, now I'm doing weights. When is the change gonna happen? But here's what I actually know about fitness and, and what actually makes more sense about fitness is that.

And then it, and it literally draws all these threads throughout business as well. I am, I'm not like an athlete, athlete, but I am athletic enough that I do go work out. Um, I've run a marathon before, but that's very Colorado. Almost everybody in Colorado has run a marathon, so like nobody out here is impressed by that.

Um, so I, I do try to be consistent about my workouts, but I also go through periods where I'm really inconsistent. I might get really busy with the kids or I might get really busy at work and I don't work out for like three weeks and it just sort of falls off the radar and I'm not. Doing it.

And what happens during that time is, you know, I'll lose some of that cardio strength, uh, where, you know, I'll finally go out for a run and I'm like, oh my gosh, that is way harder than it should be. Like, I, I am kind of a runner and that was really hard to run, like a block or, you know, my, my body will change shape a little bit.

I might gain a few pounds. Or even more important, I'll start to feel kind of lethargic and tired when I don't work out. If I go a few weeks without working out, I will feel it and actually my back will start to hurt. All kinds of things that compound and, and I've sort of lost all that effort that I had put in before.

Let's say I'd been working out for six months, really consistently, I feel like within a few weeks I completely lose that momentum. And I, I often have in my head that I just wanna have this, like overnight, see the result immediately. But what I have learned over time is that fitness is not about the result.

It's about the process. It's actually about learning how to enjoy the process. Having a different reason to exercise versus just looking good in a bathing suit for next month, or having stronger legs or having a flatter stomach. A fitness routine is actually more about enjoying the feeling of getting up in the morning and doing the workout on a daily basis, feeling that little burn or big burn, and you know that.

That feeling of, of being proud of myself or getting home and, and getting back to the house and, and sitting down with a cup of coffee and being like, I accomplished that. You know? So a lot of people say, you know, you should get up and make your bed in the morning because that kinda like sets the tone for the day.

It sets for the pace for the day. I literally could care less about my bed because no one sees it but me. I like almost never make my bed. But I do get that satisfaction if I get up. Go for a workout, and that feeling of satisfaction actually has nothing to do with the end result. The result is a byproduct of me enjoying the process.

I feel better about what I've done for myself, my mental health and my body, but if I'm only chasing the result, I might not show up to that every day. I have to actually enjoy the process. The same thing happens in our business. We might want something to happen in a month. I want all of this to be successful today.

Next week I wanna be done. I wanna have checked off the be a successful photographer thing and just be done with that. I wanna like accomplish that goal. I want it to be here. I wanna look in the mirror and be like, you are a kick butt photographer and you're an amazing business owner and everything is just working and people admire your business and, and.

But that doesn't happen overnight. I don't get to have that overnight. Just like I don't get to have super fit legs overnight. I don't get to have a successful photography business overnight or a successful coaching business overnight. It's a process. It's a process to grow a business. It is a matter of showing up every day and being committed to actually make that happen and enjoying the process.

Again, I'm going to say, I don't mean actually show up every day. You should take breaks. We've talked about that, but we do have to show up for our business consistently. It is an important part of being in love with the process of growing your business. Consistency is something that we have to really love and enjoy.

It is a barometer to your success. Being willing to show up. You also really have to be attached to why you do it. What are you hoping to get from it? What's the feeling that you want to be present to as often as possible? It's often not the end result, because that end result that you want, that, that thing that you want, that's gonna keep changing, that's gonna keep, you're gonna pivot.

You're gonna keep growing. What you are hoping to happen by next year, by the time you get to next year, you're gonna have your eyes set on three years from now. So actually enjoying the process and the day to day of showing up to this business of being a better photographer, of really being in love with the process of learning photography and the process of learning your business, that is just as important as being in love with the process of waking up to become more fit.

I need to love that process. I need to love waking up and, and, and looking at my running shoes and being like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put those babies on today and I'm gonna go for a run and I'm going to, you know, whatever I decided last night, it's gonna be three miles, five miles, 10 mile, you know, whatever the distance is gonna be, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna enjoy it. The weather's great and I love my neighborhood. I'm just gonna run through it. I have to have that same excitement for my business. So that I can have the byproduct, which would be the result at the end of the day or the end of the year, or the end of 10 years, whatever it is that I'm chasing after.

Thank you for joining me today and listening to all of that history of my business and, and hopefully things that resonate for you. So here's our takeaway today. If I could wrap all of this up for my younger self and honestly for me today, and hopefully in a way that resonates for you, it would be this, trust yourself.

Show up even when it's messy, and give yourself permission to step away when you need clarity. Don't let fear of judgment or hard things stop you because your business is built on consistency, patience, and falling in love with the process. That's where the freedom and fulfillment we're chasing actually live.