With Laura Esmond

I don't know about you, but I at times find entrepreneurship to be pretty lonely. And I hear this consistently from other photographers and students. So I'm fairly certain I'm not alone in this. I think it's one of the reasons we love having Facebook groups and, and, uh, you know, Instagram chats and we hire coaches and mentors because we really don't wanna be the only one, not only asking the questions, but also answering them the first time that this really occurred to me.

And I, the first time I felt really lonely in my business. I was sitting at my desk, it was really late at night. I had this tiny office that I was sharing with my husband, and it was, it was actually probably like, I don't know, midnight, one o'clock in the morning. And I was editing sessions at this point.

You know, my kids were really little and they were sleeping and, um, working late at night, that was really the only time I had to kind of had that peace and quiet. So it was working for me, but. My husband was sitting next to me and he was working on a pitch, like a pitch deck for a presentation they had to do the next day, and, and so he is going back and forth with this team of people that he worked with and.

They were all tired. Everyone was exhausted, but they were also excited about what they were creating. And together I listened to them, you know, go back and forth working on, working on this project and, and talking about, you know, what worked last time and what didn't work and what did they need to shift.

And they laughed a little and they teased each other and they complained a little bit. But for the most part, I could just really feel their energy and it, it eventually they end up wrapping up. And at this point, this is when, I think it's probably about 1:00 AM or 2:00 AM, I don't know. They wrap up and I still had more work to do.

So my husband leaves the office, you know, gives me a kiss goodnight, and he leaves. And I really wanted to get these sessions done because I wanted to spend the next day with the kids. Sleep was something I often sacrificed at this point to balance motherhood and business. So he says goodnight, and as soon as he walked out, it just got really, really quiet.

And I felt really lonely. I realized I was making every decision in my business alone. I had no coworkers, no team, no sounding board. It was just me. And because it was just me, I was second guessing everything, and that's when I knew I needed a circle. Looking back at this point of motherhood, I had, I had kind of lost touch with a lot of my industry friends.

Family had really become my primary focus, uh, you know, balancing, being with them and spending a lot of time with them and, you know, and they were really little. And then balancing that with the, the workload that I had, you know, and I had a lot of friends, um, but none at this point that were really balancing entrepreneurship, which as you know, it, it just, it just hits different, so.

I felt like no one in my life could really understand the problem of trying to grow a business or the hardship of not growing a business while being a mom. And my friends did mostly work. I, it's an expensive city living in Denver. A lot of homes out here are dual income homes, but from my perception anyway, it felt like they had built in support and they had this like upward track that they could climb and they had systems and.

I really had to make all of it up on my own. So I was questioning every decision that I made because, you know, what did I really know about running a business, especially moving from wedding portraits, and I really had to trust my instincts, and that could feel empowering at times. I, I really liked that, that, but the real trade off was that.

I really felt quite lonely and when I thought back, you know, okay, the wedding industry, at this point, I was transitioning from portrait, sorry, from weddings to portraits, and the wedding world seemed to have this built-in community that I, I guess I sort of take taken for granted when I became a portrait photographer.

It just didn't feel like, or at least I hadn't plugged in to yet a community of portrait photographers. The, the wedding world had, you know, florists and, and, uh, wedding coordinators and venues and videographers and even the other photographers that I could easily reach out and get to know, and they fully understood the business I was in, and they fully understood the, the struggles and could help me kind of move past things.

So this loneliness was actually one of the biggest drivers to opening my, my big retail studio that you've probably already heard about. The one with all that overhead. And I used to joke, there was, um, one woman that I became particularly good friends with and I used to joke with her that I basically was paying for her friendship because I just needed somebody at my side.

So, you know, why is community though so important? I, I wanna run through some of that so we can really understand why it's so important, especially when we're on the island of not only, of not only entrepreneurship. That island where we feel like, okay, no one else really understands what I'm doing here, and there's then the motherhood island.

I think a lot of moms can feel a little bit lonely because they're trying to, you know, just balance. Being a good mom and, and taking care of the kids and nap times and all these things. And sometimes you're like, where did my, where did that whole village thing go? Like, where did that concept go? Not everyone has that.

Um, and if you do, oh gosh, be so thankful. I really, I don't feel like I really had that throughout all of, you know, especially those young motherhood days. But when it did exist, it was just pure magic. So let's dive into why is that community so important? But then really I wanna talk about all the different types of, of relationships that you can develop and look for in this community so that you feel fully supported.

So, I don't know if you know the book Atomic Habits. It was written by James Clear, and one of the things he is famous for saying is, we become the top, I wanna say this, right? We become. The top five people we spend the most time with. And if you really think about that, I remember the first time I heard that I was like.

Well, that would be my husband, child number one, child number two, child number three. So that's four people. I don't know who the fifth person is. Uh, and I don't know who that fifth person is. I, that's who I mainly spend the majority of my time with. And then that fifth person is maybe me. So I, I realized at that point when I read that book, I'm like, oh wow.

You know, that's really true. And I should be really mindful about who I spend my time with because, and let's kinda dive into these. Number one, we learn new behaviors and thought patterns from the people that we hang out with. You know, that's why, you know, families can, can be really similar. Family and siblings can be really similar 'cause we spend a lot of time together.

So we, we develop similar, uh, behaviors and them similar thought patterns. So let's say you, let's put this into like real world though, when it comes to our business, let's say you have a friend who. Uh, sorry for this friend. Let's just call her Debbie Downer. She's just a little bit down on her business.

She's always a little bit down on it. She spends a lot of time complaining about her business, about the struggles and the hardships, but she's not really a problem solver. So she comes to the table with, with a whole bunch of complaints, but doesn't really think to go that next step and let's solve the problem.

So you go to her. With either a problem or even something you're excited about. Let's say you go to her and say, I saw this new, you know, idea for running like a mini session event, and I think it just sounds so cool and I absolutely love it. Take a look and you share it with her. And her first response is, yeah, I tried something like that and it didn't really work, or I didn't really book enough, or people don't really want it, right?

So everything that she says is just a little bit of a complaint without a solution. Counter that with having a bestie in the business who says, oh, my one could just say, oh my gosh, I love that idea. That is super cool. How can we figure out doing that and like making it our own? Or she says, oh, I actually did something like that and here it didn't really work in this way.

I'm kind of thinking if you did it, you know, if you change X, Y, Z, it'll actually work per perfectly, right? Like I didn't really price it right. If I was to do it again, I would price it this way. That is a completely different reaction. And so if you are around somebody who is consistently bringing that energy down and it's just a little bit lower vibe and isn't really trying to, you know, create something beautiful.

You, you might have a tendency to either walk away feeling, you know, depleted or unfulfilled, uh, or even start to take on that same behavior. So be mindful of the thought patterns of the people that, that you surround yourself by. Are they elevating you or are they just consistently showing up with, with complaints and, uh, and no solutions?

Complaints are fine. We all have complaints in business sometimes. But we should also be looking for and hoping for a solution to those complaints. The second thing is the rising tide philosophy. There's even a group, I forget who created it, I can't, her name just slipped my mind. But the rising tide philosophy of when we are in a larger group of people, and I think this, this could be hundreds of people, or it could literally be a group that you get together with that's once a quarter and there's like 10, 15 women who get together and have coffee together and they commit to it.

And the whole point is we're gonna share ideas. And we're gonna commit to positivity, and I am going to make sure that there are people in the group that are willing to turn back and, and grab somebody's hand and say, Ooh, I can see that you're struggling with this. Take my hand. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go on this journey together and we're gonna figure this out.

That is such a great community to plug yourself into because they will help to rise your tide the entire tide. Rises together, and they're all committed to, to everyone doing better in this industry. They, they have this internal knowledge, this just under this understanding that in our business, when we all support one another, we all do better.

There is no competition. It's just working together and we all rise up. The next one I would say is the energy of the group. And what sort of goals they're really trying to. Go after in life, right? We've, we have friends who are just chasing after building a big business maybe. And then we have other friends, and I'm talking about in our business community, we have other friends that say, you know, I really want a small business and I want to be able to really spend a lot of time with the kids.

That's my primary focus. So any, any change I make to my business, any decision I'm making in my business, I'm going to weigh that against. How much time is that gonna take away from me as mom and a caretaker and as a wife, I wanna make sure that I'm protecting that time. These are kind of different energies, different goals, and I love having different people in my life that kind of bring a different sort of energy into my world and something that I might not be paying attention to.

So I have noticed that I have a handful of friends that I chat with. Probably every, I don't know, every month or every few weeks that are very goal oriented in their business. They are looking to grow it and expand and become better known, and they're really driven and excited. Uh, they have a very excitable energy around growing their business, and it's contagious.

It gets me excited about doing that Next thing it makes me feel like. So many things in life are possible and I can present an idea and or, or a goal, and they're like, oh my gosh, run after that. That sounds so cool. And it, it's, it brings a, a, a new level of excitement for me when I get to share that with them.

And they support me in it because they're also very goal oriented, business driven person. But then I also have some friends in this community where they are far more focused on. Having family time and being a mom and being present for their kids and really balancing both work and home life so that nothing really takes them away from their kids or they're, they're never working on the weekends and they try to limit their evening hours.

And so their focus in everything that they've revolve their response to is from that lens. I also love and appreciate that because it kind of brings me back to a place where I'm like, that's really always been the point of being a photographer or even being an educator at this point of making sure that I'm creating a business that's very, very sustainable for me to be able to have the lifestyle that I want, and that lifestyle is me being a mom.

And being able to be with them and show up at their, you know, school events as often as possible, and getting to their games and making sure that I have the time and energy for them in the evening. So I feel like sometimes I have this very grounded feeling. Whenever I am, I'm talking to that group of friends, right?

So I've got these excited energy and I've got this grounded energy. And obviously the one you wanna be most careful about is, again, that Debbie Downer, uh, sort of energy where everything just feels like it's. It might not be possible. I don't know if this can actually work. We better keep our prices low.

We better do everything safe. And there's a, there's always this kinda underlying conversation of, of fear. So if, if you're in a group like that, if you're in or if you have a good friend like that, you can either just be very mindful of your conversations that you have with them. Or if it would be better for you, begin to slowly move on from that relationship and build deeper relationships with people that are matching the energy that you really want in your life and in your business so that you can continue to work towards your goals.

The next one is, or is having role models. I think having a role model in your business is so important. I didn't, for years, I, I was just sort of going through my, my wedding business and then moved on to my portrait business and, you know, my husband at times would have somebody in his world, you know, in this sort of corporate world that was a kind of a role model in his business, or friends would talk about a role model in their business.

And I was like, I don't really have one of those, but here's where I, I think a role model can be really important. It's actually. It's actually twofold. The first role model is someone that you see who is a living expression of a goal you never really thought was attainable. Let's give this some, some real meaning here.

Let's say I'm your coach, and I say to you, what is it? What's a financial number in your business that you don't think is possible to achieve? And you think of a number. Okay. I'm gonna go ahead and say a number. I don't wanna interrupt your thinking, but let's say that number is $500,000. You're like, I just literally can't imagine that my little business that I have right now is ever going to make $500,000 while also, and then I say, what's the lifestyle that you have?

If you ever, if your business made $500,000, what do you imagine that lifestyle would be? Would have to be to match it? You think, well, I would have to work all the time. I would have to have employees. I would have to probably travel to go to a different area to get really high-end client, and I'd probably have to have a team and I'd be managing and you know, and so you, you create for yourself in your mind, like what that number means, you know?

So let's say that $500,000 to you means I have to work. Seven days a week. I am constantly online. I, uh, hate my life. I never see my kids. My husband wants a divorce. Like it just means such an awful thing to you because you can't pair those things together in your mind. You're like, I, I don't have an example of that.

Then one day you meet somebody. You learn that not only does she have a $500,000 business or more, she also has a balanced lifestyle. She's not manning managing a huge team of people. She's got kids at home. She's able to be present for them. Yes, she is working and she is working hard and she's not afraid of it, but she is also balancing that as a mom, that person.

Can be a role model for you to show you that a goal that you thought was not attainable is actually attainable. It's actually possible. You can make that happen. They can be that living, that personification of your goal, and I think that's really important. So maybe for you $500,000, you're like, I, I mean, let's say it's another number, 250 could be a million dollars, whatever, the number doesn't matter.

Whatever number you get to in your head. You suddenly go, Nope, not possible. I have that number for me, when I set goals or I'm kind of praying over my business and, and what I want, sometimes I'll throw a, a number will pop up into my head and I laugh at it, and then I think to myself, no, that's, that's, that's not necessary.

I don't need to laugh at any goal that I have for my business. Maybe it is actually possible, maybe it doesn't mean. What I have chosen it to mean and that somebody else is out there living that out as, as proof that and as a living example. That goal is actually possible if I wanna go for it. The other kind of role model, which really could be the same person, but it's sort of for a different reason.

The other role model is somebody that you, you, you enjoy their business. You, you like the way they operate. They are similar to you maybe in in style, and I don't mean style in terms of photography, I just mean like, just the way they're living their life. So their lifestyle. Maybe they have the same number of children and their, and their, and they've reached a certain level of success and they've been in business maybe, you know, 10 years, whereas you've only been in business for two.

I think having those people in our life. And to me personally, I think it's great if that person is actually, uh, in your community so you can meet with them face to face and actually learn about their business and, and get to know their personality and make sure that you know what they're putting out there online is actually real.

And that's actually the lifestyle that they're living. And, and you can look at their business and sort of how they have things set up. What, you know, how often are they showing up online? What sort of pressure do they put on themselves to, to show up? Or maybe this is somebody who is really good at something that you struggle with.

Uh, let's say that you maybe struggle with the business side of running a business. Numbers are not your thing. You don't understand spreadsheets and it just hurts your brain to think about it, align yourself with them so that you can start to glean some of their knowledge and you can start to understand ways to actually build your business and, and not get yourself all twisted up and knots about it.

You can actually learn a little bit from them. I think these are great role models for us to have in our lives and in our circle. The last one is just sort of a side note almost about, you know, our work besties. And I, you know, I think it's really important for us to have people in our life that we can just commiserate with, that we can come to at the end of a really hard day or a hard client experience, a hard session, whatever it may have been, and just it really openly and honestly.

Pour out our wounds. Like that was hard. And I don't wanna tell anybody else in my world about this, or I'm embarrassed, or I'm just so frustrated today I wanna throw in the towel. They are your work bestie and you can vent and, and to show up as your most raw self, knowing that they're not gonna judge you.

And that I think, is so valuable to have that even if you show up and you just say. The worst things that they just, they just know that you're just having a minute and you just had to get it outta your body. I think it's really valuable for us to be able to invent, if you are a ventor, maybe there are some people listening that are like, I, I don't ever feel the need to do that, or, that's my spouse.

I go to my spouse for all kinds of things. But there is something so special about being able to do that with someone who's in my industry, who I 100% trust and know that they're not gonna run off with this and, and just decide that that's who I am. They're just going to let me vent for a minute. Here is even the best part.

If you can find people that you can not only vent with, but who can also help you see your problem differently, that's gold. Those people that you can go to and be like, this was the hardest session and I tried and I did this and and I did. Pulled out all the tricks, and I just couldn't get this child to smile, that they'll show up and be like, oh my gosh, I've been in that exact same space.

Here is something that I tried. Try that next time and see if it works. So somebody that is in your corner is going to allow you to vent and get things out and get it outta your body so that you can just move on with life. But might also even be able to contribute and say, I've actually had that same experience and this is what I did.

See if that works for you. I love being around people also that can help me just see a problem differently if I am looking, let's say at, you know. Launching an event and, and I, I launched it and it didn't go well, and I expressed like, oh my gosh, almost nobody booked this event for with me. And, and I don't really know what to do, and I'm just really feeling frustrated.

Why does this always happen? You know, I'm just in my space and in this like frustrated space that they will grab my hand and be like, hold on a minute, hold on. Why don't you try this? Let's, why don't you send out this an email that actually says this. Let's see if more people buck, why don't you try doing an ad on Facebook?

Why don't you try? Right? So they've got some solutions and that's just so valuable to have those people in our lives that can pull us out of our most frustrating moments and help us see another way to, to view that problem. So let's summarize. It is really important for us to be surrounded around people that will lift us up, that will change our energy and lift it to a, to a place that we really want it to vibrate for where we really wanna be in life, the people we spend the most time with, we are going to absorb their energy, their thought patterns, their behaviors.

So be careful about who you bring into your inner most circle. You might have. Lots of friends, and I hope that you do your inner most. Circle, the people that you confide in, the people that you want to learn from. Choose wisely. Make sure that it matches the energy that you really want outta life and helps you move in the direction of your goals, whether that be a hugely successful financial business, or just having a small thing on the side that allows you to have a creative outlet and still be with your kids.

Whatever your goal is.