With Laura Esmond

Eps009-5 Steps to Build Confidence as a Photographer
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Welcome back to the podcast. You are with Laura Esmond, and today I want to talk to you about confidence. You know, confidence doesn't show up before you start. It shows up while you're doing it, especially when you are stumbling your way through something. I really believe this. We don't get to feel confident before we act.

That's actually. Conviction, which is different. Conviction is what we feel in our bones. That inner knowing that it's time to move on something, it's time to take action on something we want. It's the moment you tell your spouse, I am going to start this business or the clink of the glass with your best friend, I am going to do this thing.

Or even the moment you sign up to run the marathon, it's the seed planted in us that says, this is your path and it's whispering to you. You can do it. We sometimes though mistake or make the mistake of collapsing conviction with confidence. Here's how I know that conviction isn't confidence, because I myself, and I've watched other people start out, let's say Monday morning full of get up and go.

They start out excited and lit up from the inside. I am, I've done this. I'll jump on this opportunity saying to myself, I can do it. But then you stumble, something happens like, maybe I mess up, maybe I don't get the email out on time. Or maybe I end up with a, a, a client that's upset about something or I don't get the bookings that I thought I was going to get.

I, I post about, you know, a Santa event and literally one person signs up. So all that conviction. For nothing. And then what happens? Well, if you're anything like me, I start to doubt. I doubt my first initial feelings and begin to make excuses that the stumbles, that those missteps are all a sign from the universe, that this was really not meant to be.

I'm not that good. I'm not that smart. I don't have the money. I'm not going to make it. But those thoughts, they're just fear trying to keep you safe. We know that now, right? We understand that in the back of our head, we will just get fear standing the way of us moving forward, but how do we actually move forward?

Because it's not the truth. The truth is you're learning and you're building, and you're doing the brave thing. That's the actual truth, because while I had conviction. I didn't have confidence yet, and they are dependent on each other. You see, conviction is a firmly held belief, or, uh, you could call it that, like strong inner certainty about something, especially when you can't fully explain it yet, or you don't have external validation for it.

You don't have the money in the bank. You don't have the, like, you don't have the followers. You don't know why. You want what you want. You just know it. It's that gut feeling or inner knowing that something is meant for you. You're on the right path or that an idea is worth pursuing. Even if you don't have the confidence or proof yet, it's that spark that gets you moving, right?

It's moving you even when you're unsure. Conviction says, this is important. I need to do this. It's inside you. Confidence says, I've done this before and I know I can do it again. We build confidence through the action, through the doing. There's this idea out there that some people are just naturally confident, or that once you feel sure of yourself, then you'll finally do the thing.

But I found it's actually the opposite. You take the first steps with a little bit of conviction. Maybe even just a gut feeling that you wanna try something new and the confidence is built later. That conviction, that internal knowing is really important. I, I actually believe you should write it down.

Remember how it felt when you first said, this is for me, this is my path. Remember those feelings, because you're gonna need it. You're gonna have to come back to that someday. So here's what I think building confidence really looks like. Kind of step by step. Step one, you do start with conviction. You trust your gut and let it guide you into motion.

This could be the conviction to start a business, or if you've been in business for a few years, you could be hearing a whisper that it's time to evolve, that you're ready for the next thing in your path. It's time to pivot. I love to pivot. If you don't know me, you know why I love to pivot. Then step two is take messy, imperfect action.

You're going to make mistakes. That's part of it. I used to have a tendency to tweak things way too much. I tweaked and perfected because I was afraid of showing up, of just pressing send and or saying the wrong thing and or feeling cringy. I love that word nowadays, feeling cringy online. I would trade sleep for agonizing over my website or even what to say in like email three of my nurture sequence.

I mean, for goodness sakes, I think with a little time and age I finally realized no one is paying that close of attention to me. No one. So imperfect action is far better. Just show up, do it. It's better to have something to edit. Step three. This is important. Let the failures teach you. We're gonna dive into that, in a little bit, but whether it's a confused client or a session that didn't go well, there's always something to learn.

There's always a way to grow. Step four, reflect on your growth. Look back, see how far you've come. Even if it doesn't feel like much, you might even look back and surprise yourself. And also don't. Really don't discount the simple fact that you've already taken a huge leap by even starting your own business.

There are so many people behind you wishing they were where you are now. They wish they had your conviction and your confidence, by the way to have even started your own business. For those of you though, if you're farther along and just feeling frustrated, maybe. Maybe your bookings have steadied and you feel like you're no longer growing.

Hold on, let's take a beat here. This plateau is built on what used to be your dream. Clients who trust you, a reputation you've earned and income you once prayed for. You're not stuck. You're standing, literally standing on a foundation that you built. And from here, you can rise higher if you want to.

Maybe that's that pivot that you're ready for. You did it once, you can do it again. So take a minute and look back on all that you have already built. That is gratitude. And then step five. Celebrate small progress. Don't wait for a big win to build your confidence. Notice the little things that you're doing right?

We often get so focused on an end goal, but all that means is we're putting off moments to feel happy with what we're doing. Now, your purpose. Isn't the end goal, and it shouldn't just line up with that big end goal. Your enjoyment can actually be in the business. You get to show up on a daily basis. You get to show up to this every day.

What did you trade for this? It's probably a lot better, right? You know, we talk a lot about those big wins that build confidence, like booking that dream client, that like perfect person who really gets you, or hearing how much they loved their images. We have come to believe that confidence only comes from winning.

Personally, I prefer to call these just feel good moments in our business versus confidence building moments. In my opinion, confidence actually grows in the quiet hard seasons, the ones that hold challenges and setbacks and mistakes. Confidence isn't won, it's earned. The dry spells when bookings are slow, when your pricing feels off, when you're doubting yourself, when you have three hard sessions in a row, but you keep showing up.

But let's be honest, the breakthrough doesn't happen right away. So you tweak, tweak your offers, you rethink your pricing. Maybe you try some new things and it still feels heavy when you're still standing, still trying, even when there's no quick win in sight. This is when you are being molded and formed into a business owner that has learned the hard lessons.

Some challenges will take you months to overcome. Trust me. Trust me. Some things in this business you might not look back on for another year and go. Oh, now I get why I had to go through that. You think you'll build a thriving business in a year and then you realize, huh? The person that I admired online, that business took them three, maybe five years of grinding behind the scenes.

They weren't just succeeding the whole time. This is where quiet perseverance comes in, and I really wanna dig into this. It's in these longer stretch stretches of challenge where you don't feel momentum, but you keep going. You know, that's a different kind of strength that's being built there. Let's talk about what that actually looks like.

You are showing up when no one's clapping, right? You keep posting even when you only get five likes. You keep serving even when you only had a few clients this month. You keep refining, no applause, but you keep going. You are saying no to shortcuts. You choose your own path even if it's slower, because you have learned that slow growth really does build the most sustainable business.

Maybe you're quietly learning, watching tutorials at night, listening to podcasts, hi. Improving systems no one sees, but they all benefit your business. They all benefit you. They all benefit your client, even though they're never going to really notice that the work, it's all right now. It's all what you're doing right now.

Quiet. Perseverance means you're trusting the process. You believe that something good is come coming even when there's no sign of it yet. That's hard and you deserve a standing ovation for that. I'm just gonna say it's not easy to always trust that the daily, the little daily work is going to compound and is going to create a business that's easier to get booked out the business that has all the systems and just moves more easily.

Quiet, perseverance looks like holding that secret iceberg of work. I always think of it this way. I've had friends say to me, how do you just decide to do something and it's done in like a week? What they don't see though is months or even over a year of reflecting on it, planning it, soul searching, all the work that I did before I ever said it out loud.

So my question for you is, what are you working on quietly right now? What's the thing you're building when no one's watching? That's the work that build real lasting confidence in your business. You might not see the fruit yet, but that doesn't mean the seeds aren't growing. When I see back, excuse me, when I look back on the past 25 years, most of my confidence came from all those painful little moments.

It came from the mistakes. I mean, have you ever walked away from a situation and said, well, I'm never doing that again? Yeah, that's, that's what learning looks like when we learn what we love, but also what we don't love. When we grow, we get more confident about who we are in this business. So I didn't build my confidence through booking the best clients or photographing the most perfect session, or designing a pretty website.

Those things help for sure. I love having those things. But my gritty confidence came from missteps. Like anytime my pricing confused a client, I learned how to better communicate by working with that client and learning where the confusion was. I didn't let it set me back. I didn't get frustrated. Well, maybe it was a little frustrating.

But I learned from it and said, okay, how can I be more clear than next time or when I overspent on camera equipment without thinking about the budget? Totally did that. That's the mirrorless camera that I have right now. And suddenly I suffer through a, an unexpectedly slow month and worry about paying myself and covering the rent.

And I'm sitting there holding that camera going, uh, maybe I shouldn't have bought this. Oh, well, lesson learned. That's a moment. I said, I will never do that again. That actually wasn't even that long ago. Like mistakes keep happening in our business. Financial mistakes help me learn and get more confident as a competent business owner.

Or when I undercharge and realize I actually lost money on a session or lost money on an order because maybe I gave too many discounts, and I just kept throwing things in. And then at the end of the day, I'm like, I really didn't make that much money. I should have just let them just by the digitals, I would've made more money.

Those experiences, they taught me how to run a better business. And every single lesson, even the expensive ones, even the uncomfortable ones, has moved me forward. You're not back at square one when you make a mistake, you're just building layer by layer. When you hit a rough patch in your business, maybe it's a tough client interaction.

A a month of no bookings or something just doesn't go the way you hoped. It's so easy to spiral into blame. Blaming yourself. Maybe I'm not cut out for this or blaming the economy. No one is booking right now. Blaming your pricing or your competition. The algorithm, we all blame the algorithm, right? Well, let's just go ahead and say it's the algorithm's fault.

But what if we look at these moments differently? What if instead of a failure or a dead end, we saw them as grounding moments? These challenges aren't just obstacles, they're opportunities to deepen the foundation of your business.

That hard client, that slow season. It might have been placed on your path with intention not to knock you down, but to wake you up, to teach you something, to invite you to grow, to sharpen your systems, your boundaries, your messaging. Don't let these moments pass by without asking. Here are three questions actually.

What is this here to teach me? What can I change or improve moving forward? How can I show up from this moment more grounded, more focused, and more prepared? Because this is how we build resilient businesses, not just by riding the high of the wins, but by letting the hard moments shape us into wiser business owners.

I feel very wise, after all these years of making mistakes, I wouldn't have felt wise just by having a bunch of amazing moments. You know, it's not that different with parenting. Actually letting my kids make mistakes is so painful to watch. I'm sure if you have children, you feel the same way, but I know they'll learn so much more from doing than from me just telling them what to do.

Let's see what happens when you always turn your homework in late. Let's see how it turns out. If you don't study for the test or wait to cram it in the night before, that seems like one that's sort of hard to learn lately. I wonder where this friendship will go if you don't talk to her about how you feel.

It's hard, but my husband and I believe that challenges are powerful teachers. One of the things that we often say when we're skiing is, you know, pain is an educator. It'll teach you what to do and what not to do. Sometimes we'll even say to our kids, you know, when they're on their way out the door, don't make a mistake tonight.

That'll last the rest of your life. It's a little heavy handed, but it's true, and it's based on conversations that we've had with them. I've got teenagers going out with friends on the weekends. Mistakes are fine. Some mistakes are powerful teachers, but let's not make the kind that will reroute your whole life when they make a choice.

That doesn't go well, whether it's something small or something with bigger consequences. We also try to not turn it into a told you so moment. That doesn't help. It doesn't teach and it certainly doesn't build confidence. Instead, we practice asking, we're not perfect, but we practice asking, what would you do differently next time?

Because when they're allowed to process a mistake with reflection instead of shame, they actually gain confidence. They realize they can survive hard moments. They learn how to think critically, how to problem solve, how to trust themselves again, and that same principle applies to us every time we walk through something hard in our business and we pause to ask, what would I do differently next time we come out of it with more clarity and more confidence than we had before.

And let me just put the disclaimer in here yet again, Scott and I are not perfect at this with our kids, but it's a goal and we're trying the same thing that I'm trying with my business. If you're in a season where you are feeling friction or maybe you're feeling disorganized or, or we are, this is going live publishing in October.

Maybe you overscheduled your fall season yet again. I want you to know this is not wasted time. This is confidence building time. So start with this. Write down your conviction. How did it feel when you first said, I'm starting the business? Or maybe that was a long time ago and you've evolved so recently, you're committed to running your business differently.

What was the reason and how did you feel when you felt a strong urge to start or a strong urge to pivot?

And when mistakes appear on your path, ask yourself. What is this trying to teach me? And what would I do differently next time? And here's the most important part, take that next step. Make the changes based on what this mistake revealed to you. If you make those adjustments in your business, you will begin to walk with so much more confidence.

You're learning, you're growing, and building such a strong foundation. You know, I once heard Bob Goff. Say, He's just so wonderful to listen to. He said, don't let uncertainty talk you into pursuing backup plans instead of your purpose. And he's right.

It's also correct to say, don't let mistakes or setbacks talk you into pursuing backup plans. Instead, let yourself learn through doing. You've already come this far. You're not just surviving. You are becoming someone deeply capable, someone who can do hard things confidently.